The End of the Holy Month is near…

As the title stated… Ramadhan is near to its end… could not get enough of it.. wished that it will be all year long.. so much to compensate.. so much to learn.. so much to claim back.. so much to pay back for all my sins with so little time.. now i understand why there are sayings that some of us were very happy with the return of the holy month.. and also that some of us were also being sad during the ending… Lailatul Qadar… i wonder how it would be if I was granted with the night which is better than a thousand of months.. I wonder how it feels like to have one… a clue direct from the God… a clue which will show us the path… the eternal path… for the better of eternal life after death…

Death.. been thinking about it much nowadays.. the depart of Tok Dan.. the last of the legends… last of the siblings of my grandfather… Yesterday.. went to Pah Saniah’s place… bukak puasa there… she cooked like she’s having a kenduri… a lot of fried noodles… with bones soup… with the bubur lambuk i got from mesjid penchala… mak aii… have to control myself… as i went for tarawikh prayers later… first time in my life.. i saw the surau was heavenly full… nice… met Cik Lan there.. and 8 rakaat was done before 9.30… truly a nice one indeed…

So much made me thinking during this month.. mostly because of the incident which had happened somewhere in the middle of the month.. the chest pain came back… my life went empty.. well.. quite empty… because… my life statement was not feasible no more… some told me to pray harder to make me forget.. but how if i still felt some sort of suffocation during the prayers… i could not let go of it.. i could not make myself not to think.. i could not forget.. almost every second… my thoughts are all over it.. and again.. I did not see it coming.. a fool i am.. watched the CSI NY last week.. a line from the show resembled what i am going through currently… something like.. “Not angry with you, but myself. Because, i have fallen for you, but now i have to undo it”… How to undo?… Its nothing like a click on the left-pointed arrow button in Microsoft Word… like i said.. so much to compensate.. need to replace my life statement.. need to regain motivational conditions.. need to gain myself back.. if not… the mind will not be there.. the mind will be empty… when its empty… bad thoughts can easily poison me.. death thoughts will be around.. if that happens.. pretty much the effort of repent and the diet initiated earlier this year are a waste.. so help me God…

More likely, what I feel now…

bumped into the lyric of puff daddy.. victory… and kinda like that ending lyrics…

” Aiyyo, can you hear me out there?
Aiyyo turn me up, nobody can hear me out there
Thats good, its all fucked up now
Yall know its all fucked up now right?
What the fuck ima do now?
What ima do now?
Can yall hear me out there?
Can yall hear me out there?

Its all fucked up now
What ima do now, huh?
What ima do now
Its all fucked up now ”

Nothing much to say now.. so help me God…

Ramadhan al-Mubarak, edition 2008…

Well.. it has been a while since my last post.. ok ok… in this post.. i will enclose the best picture of the Australian fireworks during the MIFC 2008 grand finale..

Ramadhan is back.. it feels like it was yesterday that i have the berbuka puasa at KPV.. could not believe that a year passed by.. so fast the time flies.. which made azurin’s quote is correct… ‘Time is Money’… this year.. the buka puasa for me will be mostly at Taman Tun.. as for last year.. my daily menu for buka puasa was the Roti Jon.. this year.. Ayam Percik!… nice one indeed.. now being sold for RM5 for a quarter bird.. some people said it was pricey.. but for me.. still fine compared to the Tandoori chicken from Mosin, which cost me 5.50 instead… and… the food provided by VADS is quite better compared to last year… but seems like it was degrading at a constant rate in daily basis.. hmm.. at least there is something instead of nothing..

With Ramadhan, comes also the event of Tarawikh prayers… and.. just went to one just now.. actually… it was my first after two years of foolishness.. felt kinda awkward with the citings and chantings by everyone there.. and i managed to complete 8 rakaat.. one thing i’m quite disagree with the imam just now.. the citings of surah after Fatihah was too long.. when it’s too long… i will lose my concentration.. started to think about the reunion this Sunday.. started to think about Mobwars.. started to think of something else instead of feeling the littleness of the human from the eye of the God.. but.. that was it.. will look further to go for more next time… as i work in the afternoon shift which made me unavailable to attend like normal.. so be it..

About the Australian Team’s fireworks.. believe me.. it was better than last year’s.. it was better than all the teams participated in MIFC 2008, i supposed… picked a new spot recommended by old fren, En. Razak.. and it was quite fine actually.. and.. even i used f12.. my camera still burn the pictures.. hmm… and below is a couple of pictures which made it to the top… and that was it for MIFC, 2008 edition.. nice indeed…

As for the fireworks intended for Merdeka celebration.. i went to Block E with Faiz, little brother of Farid.. felt something was wrong.. and when the clock turned 12.. the fireworks started.. and my intuition was correct.. it was a disaster.. a new buliding being built between the Curve and Flora.. and the fireworks was behind to building.. dammit.. some more.. the fireworks lasted for around merely 5 minutes… hampeh.. and that was it.. the last of the fireworks for the year of 2008.. so be it.. and now.. to take advantage of the Ramadhan.. i want to make it better than the last years… so help me God..