The tool of Destruction…

Went to CIMBank last Thursday with a great friend of mine, the notorious Faizal.. well.. both of us signed up to have a leverage of our lives.. or it can turn out to be the key to the series of catastrophic events of our lives in the future.. yes.. we have applied to have the tool of destruction… we got ourselves, the credit card.. hmm…

with the tool of destruction at hand.. poisonous intentions will be lingering all over me.. the word ’swipe’ or ‘cash out’ can be heard almost every day.. hmm… the injections of intentions to upgrade my stuff is all around me.. to get a new and better camera @ DSLR… to get a fridge to aclaim the title of grand chef.. to get a new set of wheels to take the car to the next level.. to get a new console to meet the requirements of the performance-thirsty games being offered presently… so much to consider.. dammit..

In the first place, I want to take advantage on the fuel rebate offered from the card.. first choice is the bank with a sign of the tiger… but the requirement is quite high… then.. one of the immediate superiors came to me to offer the service of the card.. nice… now… i got two of them.. not just two cards.. but two gold cards instead.. nice…

Since I’m staying alone for the time being.. the urge to complete my residence with stuffs becoming imminent.. Spoke to Emil just about buying a secondhand fridge.. he offered me his.. two door fridge with a little rust on the door for 300 bucks.. is it worth it?.. two doors, man.. i can see myself piling up the freezer compartment with the tilapias and squids.. huhuhu…. most probably i will take it.. and now have to consider the transportation method.. hmm..

As for the cards… first.. i will use it to reload my car tank with gasoline.. that’s for the time being.. hopefully.. the mind will not be asphyxiated by the torturous thoughts of craving for more that i should have.. so help me God…

Kill.. Kill.. Kill.. and Kill.. Kill more!..

Would it be good for me if I can kill everyone without a second thought?.. Actually.. I’m into Max Payne now.. the Max Payne game.. yes it’s old skool, but I just realized about the mod whom made it available by the hardcore fans through the Internet.. Good deed indeed..

And again.. the question being asked previously.. as in the game.. almost everything that move, can be shot.. everyone knows that.. but it would feel different if your mind is really into it.. might as well… you can imagine yourself killing everyone around you… shoot until the arm is separated from the body.. shoot until the head is flying across the room.. shoot until you can hear the sound like the cow being slaughtered during Raya Haji.. some gore there.. hence the realism..

Someone is trying to contact me the other day.. someone whom i have not spoken with for quite a while already.. am i avoiding that person?.. am i running away from her?… the fact that i still have the same feeling like the way i did before.. might be the reason why i am outcasting myself.. I wonder how it would be if i were to interact with her now..  uncertain about it.. the mission is unclear for the time being.. thus, the sceptism of me being a person like before will be on the highest bar.. I’m not like before, i think.. things are different now, i think so… and if the time comes.. so be it..

I have sensed a feeling which is similar to what i had few years back.. the feel of wrath.. the feel of agony.. the torturous feeling of disfiguring a human being.. the urgency to make people hurt.. the call to have a bloodbath.. all came back.. must refrain it before the mind got poisoned until the state where there is no turning back.. hmm.. I am getting farther from Him.. The big M is here.. need to regain myself.. so help me God…

Insignificant Fools!..

it has been a while since my last update.. nothing much to say.. nothing much to write.. since my life was quite empty.. and still now..

Regarding the title above.. more or less it’s the frequently used phrase by me.. taken from the Disney’s classic animation, The Little Mermaid.. less hampeh.. less motherfucker.. but more syllables to pronounce with..

As for now.. I’m starting to join with another group from the office.. the old clique has scattered around.. not much unity i guess.. Last week.. went to Chamang… it was like 7 years since i went to a waterfall.. it was nice.. but.. that place reminded me of somebody.. not because i went down here with that particular person previously.. but.. i saw the picture of that somebody last time at the same place.. hmm.. fuck it off.. let it go… more or less.. i am the insignificant fool..

I’m losing myself.. I’m getting farther from Him.. I gained 10 kilos after raya.. need to reshift the course.. so help me God…